One thing that parenting books and forums don't tell you about is how to juggle children and hangovers.
Jobs? Yep. Relationships? Yep. Hangovers? Hell no!
This is because one of the unwritten rules of parenting is 'Thou shalt not enjoy yourself'
However, it is very likely that at some point in your parenting career you will have a hangover. This short course should help you. There will be an exam, so please take notes.
If you know in advance that you are going to get drunk clear all your floors of toys and debris. When you are stumbling around drunk/hungover getting lego embedded in your foot hurts.
Being woken up by noisy children at the crack of dawn is soul destroying at the best of times. When you have a hangover it is much, much worse. Get up straight away. Please do not lie there thinking that they might go back to sleep. You are deluding yourself.
Once you are out of bed and have staggered downstairs with your children multi-tasking is your friend. If you can learn how to make tea, open a packet of biscuits and turn on the cbeebies simultaneously then your lot in life will be much easier. No one will ever know that you have given your children biscuits for breakfast *just this once* so don't beat yourself up about it.
Show no weakness. If your children spot that you are flagging, you are doomed. Put on a happy face. No one needs to know that you are dying on the inside.
Be vigilant. Don't let your hangover stop you dressing, tidying up and performing various other functions. A suprise visit from your 'in-laws' is bad enough. But when you are in your dressing gown, the house is a tip and you have a hangover the stealth in-law visit is traumatic. One twitch of your mother in-laws eyebrow will let you know that all her suspicions about you have been confirmed.
There are certain things that you should never do when you have a hangover:
Being woken up by noisy children at the crack of dawn is soul destroying at the best of times. When you have a hangover it is much, much worse. Get up straight away. Please do not lie there thinking that they might go back to sleep. You are deluding yourself.
Once you are out of bed and have staggered downstairs with your children multi-tasking is your friend. If you can learn how to make tea, open a packet of biscuits and turn on the cbeebies simultaneously then your lot in life will be much easier. No one will ever know that you have given your children biscuits for breakfast *just this once* so don't beat yourself up about it.
Show no weakness. If your children spot that you are flagging, you are doomed. Put on a happy face. No one needs to know that you are dying on the inside.
Be vigilant. Don't let your hangover stop you dressing, tidying up and performing various other functions. A suprise visit from your 'in-laws' is bad enough. But when you are in your dressing gown, the house is a tip and you have a hangover the stealth in-law visit is traumatic. One twitch of your mother in-laws eyebrow will let you know that all her suspicions about you have been confirmed.
There are certain things that you should never do when you have a hangover:
Visit a theme park,
Help out at school,
Go to a Wacky Warehouse (or any other soft play type place),
Assemble complicated toys,
Attend a 3 hour long dance festival. (That story merits a blog of it's own!)
Attempting the above will result in tears and vomit for you and your children.Help out at school,
Go to a Wacky Warehouse (or any other soft play type place),
Assemble complicated toys,
Attend a 3 hour long dance festival. (That story merits a blog of it's own!)
I hope that this short course has been useful.
And remember, a hangover shared is a hangover halved. So if you are planning on going out on the lash, give me a shout!
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